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a new type of bummer

by smalltime vault

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1.
This is the first song I'm writing with my new guitar. I'm softly strumming, instead of figuring out where you are, why you left, with a million little things that have gone unaddressed, for so long. Writing songs, instead of picking up the things that fell down so hard. Here I sit, strumming with my new guitar. My new guitar. My new guitar. This is the first song I’m writing with my new guitar. I’m softly screaming, instead of figuring out where you are, why you left, with a million little things that have gone unaddressed, for so long. Writing songs, instead of picking up the things that fell down so hard, all around, when you left, with a million little things that have gone unaddressed, for so long. Writing songs, instead of picking up the things that fell down so hard. Here I sit, strumming with my new guitar. Rest in peace, slumped over my new guitar
2.
oh, reality 02:20
So, both of my feet stand in one world. As my heart, it beats in two. Losing months like most lose hours, hiding down this hole from you Oh, Reality- my greatest enemy. We meet again. I’ve been lights out, closed, heads down. I figured you’d cut out by now. I'm cropping me out of my pictures, and I'm feigning oblivious, to the growing list of problems, that facing sounds too dangerous. The other side of this screen’s angle, it must be held just so or else, see my face reflected over, cast by this sun, merciless. Oh, Reality- my greatest enemy. We meet again. I’ve been lights out, closed, heads down. I figured you’d cut out by now. I figured you’d cut out by now. Oh, Reality- soak bitter into me, like medicine. I’ve been lights out, closed, heads down. I figured you’d cut out by now.
3.
They say the stuff that makes us up, used to make up stars instead. Burning constant in the sky; now it’s in our hearts and heads, it’s said. And though that form’s been shed, you’re still the stars to me. Brightly showing me the way to go, no matter how dizzy I get. And if I’m lost and scared and going down, I look up to you, and I’m set. For every tired step I take, you’re light will always show the way. For every load I have to bear, I’ll lift it up for you and say, OK, just shine for one more day. You’re still the stars to me.
4.
Flags and pennants and gaining mass and, failures in crowd control... Victory caught in a riot! Lessons proven and wholly ignored, although they’re centuries old... And matching hats justify it! Arms and legs, did fill that powder keg. No show of force, could possibly change their course. And all of us lost that night. Victory died in a street fight! Shared faith, swinging, some red and blue lights, flashing on chain link fences… Victory caught in a riot! Streets lead run-off from storm and pressure, converge with furied senses... And matching hats justify it! Drunks and fear, surrounded with riot gear. No show of force, could possibly change their course. All of us lost that night. Victory died in a street fight Arms and legs, did fill that powder keg. No show of force, could possibly change their course. And all of us lost that night. All of us lost that night. Yes, all of us lost that night. Victory died in a street fight
5.
Less hopeful year. I always miss, as I'm always here. And I make fists. I wasn't built for this. Pull me through. Let's get thrown out. Keep our heads down, and pray they lose count. Barely exist. I wasn't built for this. Pull me through. But I leave you for the cold, the long useless shift every day. Take this ring in your place. And the faces I see blur together, with a slow dawning truth, and a dull sense of rage. You're the only thing, in all six years, worth remembering. So powerless. I wasn't built for this. I was built for you. Less hopeful year. And we've seen enough, in this hemisphere. And I make fists. I wasn't built for this. Pull me through. So let's lock ourselves in, and raise up a glass; red, red eyes, while they crash through like waves. And they’ll pour and they'll pull all around, for that look in our eyes, and the way we embrace.
6.
You never know how far I’ll fall for you with just one look, so don’t be dealing them out as if they didn’t mean a thing. I’ll fall and tangle the both of us, and we’ll roll for miles and miles. Count the cuts and stings. Together, a crowded room and everyone is loud but me. I’d give it all to hear you say you just met the one who can keep me up, for weeks and weeks, with wonderful dreams. And I’d give it all to hear your heart- hear it up close. And oh, oh, all you do is ask if I could stay. Takes me to a point that’s years away. Maybe in your arms by a TV’s light, on another night when we remember years and years ago. Oh, oh, all you do is ask if I could stay.
7.
I quit 03:35
there’s something good left in me and I don't even care the smartest path and me we make a hateful pair abandon all hope ye who enter and ye who don't ‘cause I've sharpened all my hate and held it to my own throat I'm gonna get me two tons of steel and make them run just as fast as they ever will with a scream of your name to die on my lips as I lift from the ground 'cuz that's it I quit let's put our fists through glass just admit we're sons of better men and we’re never gonna’ try again gonna’ make every last sin a meal thrown down my throat just as fast as they ever will accelerate towards apocalypse as I lift from the ground 'cuz that's it I quit let's throw our ties to the ground and watch our whole worlds spiral away again I lash out at everything so there's vengeance on every side my hands are bleeding dry and I'm finally satisfied
8.
your sweet soul may, just fall away, slip to the ground, if I don’t hold it in- kiss all your tears, and plant feet against your spin. wake with a start. your ear to my heart. lean into me, if dawn has come too soon. hands to your side, count breaths, and each small move. this glows like home. keep this song slow, so we sway in time, and dance to sweet release. our storm runs north, and leaves its calm, wet peace.
9.
Get off the boat and bang a left, was the only plan we had. It was a clockwise, Yarmouth. roundabout way, we were headed for Halifax. When the radio plays Flogging Molly and Pogues, it’s the wrong island, I’d have swore. When the Promise Ring plays it’s our honeymoon again, and it’s still 2004. Oo oo, vous etes, mon amore. Nova Scotia tour! A miracle that we found another, great sunset at The Cove. Winds blew us to a Winsor lunch, and Victoria Park, Truro. Alcohol ban in the Five Islands, like anyone ever could. Gas it up again in Antigonish, then light it up in Linwood. Oo oo, vous etes, mon amore. Nova Scotia tour! Isaac’s Harbor ferry, it must’ve sunk, Inverness has buried my ring. Something’s gotta’ get us through a St. Mary’s rain, Rare Bird’s got just the thing. Celtic Corner and the Triangle Pub, then a hotel for a break. Seals at Kejimkujik park, Then crash at Darlin Lake. Oo oo, vous etes, mon amore. Nova Scotia tour! Oo oui, je suis desoles. That’s all I can afford! I’ll see you again in 2024. I’ll see you again in 2024.
10.
I’m here getting used to no more trying, and no more friends to lose. I’m knocked out. Drag me out, your front door. Leave me sleeping in the snow. That relief is all I know. Ha ha I win, ha ha! I didn’t feel one single thing today! I slept it all away! You can’t stand just to face the light of day. You can’t stand just the sight of your own shame. You can’t stand at all. You stagger and you fall. You need to wake you need a list to get complete. You need to spend more time on your feet. You need to change too fast- a swift kick in the ass. I could use some unforgiving cold now. I could use anything. Oh the things I’ve done. Stab the white flag through my heart, someone. Face me towards the stars and go. They’re the only things I have to show, in my cold hands.
11.
gravity 04:29
Lost again, I’m fumbling through space, No direction, No gravity to bring me home, And I’m feeling, I’m feeling scared, That’s how I feel, Everyday, But the world, The world still turns, Can’t help but stare, As I drift away, When you see me on the street and, You wonder what happened to me, To make me turn out so wrong, Well, she’d had enough of me and, Decided to cut me free, Then gravity, it lost its hold, No one replies, But still I try the radio, Black sky, White noise, I lost your voice, Sometime ago,
12.
You’re the only thing that kept me from sleeping through this year. So let’s read into that. Let’s explode. Sell everything we own. Let’s bail, and trade all these failures for something unknown. Run away, and pretend we’re brand new. Forget each other’s last names. I could reset everything but you. We’ll find a place to be, where we don’t speak a word. As if I care what they say. I don’t want to talk to anyone but you. Let’s live on a beach, or some cliche. We’ll remain in reach through all the glorious days, through all the glorious days. You found something in me, that wasn’t a failed attempt at something that no one understands- something that could be. So let’s put that space between our lives and us. I’ll buy you a third hand wedding dress. We’ll have a honeymoon until we’re dead and gone. Until we’re dead and gone.
13.
getting by 03:47
They said it was youth and naivety. I’d understand everything better someday. I’d make my peace with the world, and everything would fit. Everything would fit! Well I don’t think that’s it. Don’t think I’ll ever be desensitized, to this backwards world that runs before my eyes. And I think I’m the only one sometimes. Everyone’s asleep, even when they’re all awake. I want to scream at their souls, they’ve sold to a mistake. I want to challenge convention, tradition, and I don’t want to quit. I don’t want to quit. With a list of things too long, to fit a punk rock song. From holy wars to nevermore, I don’t think these things will die. There’s power in asking why. And I’ll stand alone if I have to. And that’s just what I’ll do. In a world that seems just a little too big for me, where nothing makes sense, and they want you all to just give up before you try. I don’t think I’m giving in, but I think getting by. I think I’m getting by. I think I’m getting by. But I’ll never stop asking why.

credits

released January 25, 2019

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smalltime vault Easthampton, Massachusetts

vault

vôlt/

noun
1. a large room or chamber used for storage, especially an underground one.

verb

2. jump over (an obstacle) while propelling oneself with one’s hands or a pole.

small-time

ˈsmôl ˈˌtīm/

adjective

informal
1. unimportant; minor.
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